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  • idroberts1

A Blog... What to call the bloody thing?

Updated: Oct 2, 2022

Possible titles: (you can see how my mind works!)

Wading through a blog.

Just going to the blog.

Don't forget to flush the blog.

The blog's blocked again.

Lost in the blog.

Stumbling around in the blog.

Your blog light's on.

Start a blog. Nothing new there. This is one in a thousand, a million, probably. And the main thought, the one thing nagging at me all the while is, "What's the point?" "Who's gonna read it anyway?" "Do I even care?" So, again, here I am delving down the rabbit hole, doing something that I really, if I'm honest with you, dear reader, do not want to do. I want to write my books, not waste time on blogging, and most definitely not on social media: I fucking hate social media. Who gives a shit? I certainly don't, but it has to be done. Publishers insist on it; they don't want to do any promoting, why should they? Why pay a marketing department when you can get the poor, desperate sod of the wanna-be writer to do all the work for nothing? Ker-Ching, more money for them to keep.

Ok, yes, I get it; if I engage with my reading public, I am building my brand, thus building my fanbase and potential sales of my product. By I just wanna fucking write, my books. Do you realise, dear reader, just how hard it is to actually sit down and write (a book)? It's exhausting. So why the hell do you think I'd want to waste any time writing social media posts? Who cares what I think about the latest trends, sports results, recipes, political shenanigans, and celebrity gossip? It's just ridiculous. And a waste of creative energy.

But here I am. Writing, of all things, a blog post. My first. So what shall I write about? What do you want to know? About me? About how I write? Where I get my ideas from? What hardware and software do I use? How did I get an agent? Is my agent even alive? How do I make ends meet? What inspires me? What are my ambitions? Do I prefer spending time alone or with others? Or with my dog? Do I travel? If so, where to, and why? What do I think about adaptations? You know, films and TV shows made from books. Am I a grumpy git? Or am I actually quite an affable guy? Well, you'll have to decide that for yourself. Ok, ok... so there are a few topics for me to get my teeth into, as they say.

So, dear reader, now I've got that off my chest, where shall we start? At the beginning, I suppose, for want of a better place. Well, actually, that's not necessarily true, either.

Now, if you don't like swearing, this may not be for you. I curse. A lot. I love swear words, particularly creative swear words. Hell, Chaucer used swear words, and so did Shakespeare. And they were Ok writers, weren't they? And swear words are all part of the rich tapestry we call the English language - though there are some pretty tasty swear words in other languages, too. And many came from humble beginnings...

I remember decades ago when I was at school, and our English teacher walked into the classroom just as some kid bellowed out, "fuck!" Can't remember why, but kids swear, all the time. Why? Because it's fun, it's cool, forbidden, naughty. So anyway, Miss Tattersall (that was our teacher's name) walked calmly up to her desk, and, as we settled down, most of the kids were expecting her to blow her top or send the offender off to see the Headmaster for a smack (they hit kids in those days). But no, she just looked us over and said, "Where do you think that word, fuck, comes from?" So you can imagine the stunned silence quickly followed by excited whispers and childish giggles. "Well? "she insisted. No one answered. "Fuck," she said, "was an Anglo-Saxon surname, just like Burke and Pratt." (Which, if you didn't know, dear reader, are kind of quaint mild English insults: "You prat!" meaning "You idiot!" and the like). What Miss Tattersall didn't say, though, was if "cock juggling thunder cunt" was a term of endearment.

Where was I? Oh, yes, so there will be swearing and rudeness, but hopefully, there will mostly be insights into my writer's brain, my writer's life, for you to enjoy. And if you did, let me know in the comments. But, if you didn't, then don't.

So, dear reader, until next time... (I guess I should do a blog post at least once a month... Groan. Really? Yes, really)... have a good one.

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